Many of you know that since I was 18 I've suffered with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). As a result, I've dealt with irregular cycles, painful cycles, short cycles, loooong cycles or no cycle at all. Fever, vomiting, headaches, severe stab-like pain in my abdomen, horrendous cramps, severe body ache and other things I'm too embarrassed to mention have accompanied my cycles frequently. Oh and don't let me forget the awful emotional breakdowns, short fuse temper, feelings of insecurity, self neglect, over-eating, fits of anger, over-sleeping, loss of sleep, and the list goes on. Worst of all, infertility. Not only does it affect me, but my husband, family, friends, and co-workers. I mean think about it, they are in my company while I go through alot of this.
I have been on the same heavy cycle now for nearly 3 months. I recently started a treatment that has brought some relief on the cycle side of things but also has some minor side effects. The last couple of days I felt horrible. tingling all over my body, shakes, feeling of anxiety, body ache from head to toe, my very bones felt stiff. It was just a weird day for me physically.
Yesterday at Mid-week service, pastor George preached about having faith in trials and used Psalm 40 as his text. Have you ever been through the Trial of Waiting? I'm sure you have. Perhaps you are waiting on that promise to come to pass. Waiting on healing. Waiting on your loved one to be saved. Waiting on God to provide. Waiting on reconciliation in a relationship. Waiting for a job. Waiting on _________________.
Pastor challenged us...
"To MAXIMIZE what the Lord has done in the past and MINIMIZE what could go wrong in the days ahead."
"The past is full of God's mercies and the future is full of God's plans."
While you wait on God's plans/promises to come to pass in your life YOU CAN...
1. LOVE GOD,
2. SERVE OTHERS.
3. TELL OTHERS ABOUT HIM.
I can tell you many AMAZING stories of the Lord's faithfulness in my life over the last 15 years. Yet over the years I have struggled with my faith in God. Faith that He will do certain things for little ol me...like heal me. But one thing I have held on to is my hope in God. Hoping, waiting even in the darkest times of my life that God's deliverance is on the horizon. For some reason, He has yet to heal me or allow Eddie and I to have a child. I will say this, at the end of the day I will continue to wait on Him. Whether the Lord heals me or not, or allows us to have children, Jesus will remain my Lord and that will not change.
ps. I love you Lord and I wait on you. My hope is in You.
I just woke up from a nap and started getting ready for the kid's lock-in event when I received a call from a dear friend. I knew from the sound of her voice my friend needed a listening ear. Fighting back the tears she shared her husband received notice he was being laid off from work. His last day would be the 15th of this month.
Have you ever been there? My husband and I were there a little over a year ago. For nine months during 2009-10, Eddie was out of work. He was laid off from his job and though he received unemployment, it wasn't enought to even cover the $750 rent. When times get hard finanacially, one can easily fall into depression, anger, or become easily frustrated at the smallest thing. It can be taxing on one's health, family and marriage among many other things.
I refused to turn to family or friends for sympathy or help. Is there a time for that? Sure. Except somehow I saw this as an opportunity to put all the preaching and teaching I've done over the last several years into action and allow the Lord to show off. It was an opportunity for me to put my faith into action. Could I trust God to see my husband and I through this? Could Eddie and I cling to eachother? Chase after God with bull-dog tenacity? Laugh harder? Love deeper? Become greater givers of our finances and our time?
There were several times I looked in the mirror, pointed the finger at the lady staring back at me with desperate heavy eyes and said, "You will bless the Lord at all times and His praises will continously be in your mouth. You will boast in God your Saviour. The joy of the Lord will strengthen you and you will see the goodness of God. Remember how the Lord provided for you while in school. Remember how the Lord fed you. Clothed you. You were never forsaken nor did you beg for bread. Faith is the substance of things hoped and the evidence of things not seen. Cling to your God and cling to your husband. You will slay this financial giant's head off ."
This is where you get your compact mirror out your purse, go to your vanity, look at your rear-view mirror, window, where ever you can see your reflection and start encouraging yourself in the Lord. What are your waiting for? Go!
The Psalmist David wrote in Psalm 139:23,"Search me and know my heart..." and the image that comes to mind is someone unlocking the door to their home. As for me, I invited Jesus into my heart June of 1997. Father's Day weekend of that month, I turned over the keys to Him. However, just because I gave Him the keys to the front door that doesn't mean I gave him full access to all the rooms of my heart. Could he forcefully go into every room and do a thorough walk-thru and search if He wanted to? Sure, but He won't. He's the kind who will continue to "stand at the door and knock." He won't pry open the door.
Growing up, all of our guests stayed in the kitchen for felllowship. A refreshment was offered or given if asked but don't you dare open my momma's refridgerator! To open the fridge door and help yourself meant you more than a guest...you were family. If you had permission to open the fridge you had permission to walk to certain rooms in our home such as the living room, bathroom, & patio. But even the guests who opened our fridge had boundaries. They were not permitted in the rooms down the hall. We even locked some of the rooms depending on who the guest was...Oh hush! You know you do it too! Only mom and dad had the keys to those rooms.
Over the last 14 years, I have found myself handing Jesus one key after another. Just when I thought I handed him all the keys, I realized I had yet another room that needed to be unlocked. He's turned the keys to rooms I call Fear, Rejection, Anger, Abuse and many more. After unlocking a room, He took the time to clean it of its cobwebs and dust. Yet still, there remained other rooms that becasue of shame or pride I found it hard to release the keys.
I finally realized that If Christ can not freely enter every room of my heart, then He is not the Inhabitant or Lord of my heart but simply a house guest. It was then that I handed the Master Key to the Master of my heart, Jesus.
Take a moment, to check your heart. Does Jesus have the freedom to re-arrange, clean out, or re-model any rooms of your heart? If not, consider handing Him the master key today. Allow Him to "Search your heart" and make the necessary changes. For the changes He makes are not for your temporary pleasure, but for your eternal joy.
Just like this website and our church campus, I have personally been "under construction." With renewed strength and passion, I find the desire to seek the anointing stronger than ever. Revival has begun in my heart and I'm excited to see all that God is doing in me. I am coping with the growing pains and dealing with them like a big girl. Accepting my faults and asking Jesus to continue to keep me teachable that I may learn of Him and the leaders He has surrounded about me. He has given me a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Currently, I am enjoying the sweet presence of God. There is peace in my heart in the midst of the chaos. I know I can face anything so long as my heart is kept pure before Him and my eyes fixed.
There has been a constant song in my heart and I just can't seem to stop praising the name of my Wonderful Savior. There is an old song that comes to mind that decribes what God is doing in my life lately...
"Thou has turned my mourning into dancing for thee. Thou has put off my sackcloth.
Thou has turned my mourning into dancing for thee and filled my heart with gladness.
Early in the morning will I sing praise to thee and not be weary.
O Lord my God I will sing praises to your name forever!"
How is the condition of your heart? Take a moment to do a self check. Has God taught you anything about you lately? Are their areas in your life that need attention and correction? Read what David said in the following Psalms...
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Take a moment now to offer your heart fresh and anew. Blessings!
*Cheering* I learned how to add music to the website. Yaaay! So I added Hosanna by Kirk Franklin. Fitting, don't you think? I also learned to add a slide show. Woot Woot! Now if only I can shrink the picture some. It's taking up the whole screen!! Sheesh! If only I knew html I could dazzle it up a bit. A bedazzled website would totally rock!...NOT!!